$1750 loan


$900 rent

$200 late fee

$500 tuition

so i go by myself but i know she is there so its kind of okay. i get there and she is trASHED. and with lots of people i don't know. same shit different person. lol i am just like I NEED A DRINK!!! i see crystal bittner and tiffany with braces that had a baby from HS and i get excited b/c they don't have an entourage that i DON"T KNOW! i get my drink and come back. ALSO magnolias crystal shows up like she said she would and that was nice to see a familiar face. so sarah lets me know they have been there forever. "ghetto ass i am black but can act i b/c i am from the hood but you can't joey" is there with her along with her other 4 friends and like 5 minutes after her and shannon say hi and we dance she tells me her friends don't wanna be there. i am just like...(in my head) "then why in the hell did you bring them on my fucking birthday" but i just smile and nod with my drink. they end up leaving her and going into the other room and finally tiffany and clare come. it was soooooo nice to see clare, honestly, i think she was my favorite girl to hang out with all night, b/c she didn't show up with a million people and she actually paid attention to me and i hadn't seen her in forever. tiff leaves right away with barely two words

well i get there talk to her for a little, then it's 530 and dad calls and postpones dinner until 700!!!! then sarah walks away and leaves me with her friends and me sitting there. no one will answer their phone, ximena, danielle, lins, tiff, it's sad. cov couldn't come to dinner, julian was working late, so i had to wait forever for my dad and my step mom who was shopping with my step sister, when they knew we were supposed to go to dinner. so i am just stuck with no one to hang out with, sitting there. i didn't want to drink yet, esp with all the check points. so finally i leave and meet my dad. trish was late and i still had to go get ready with ximena. still not ONE of my friends showed up. so i go home to get my clothes and call ximena. she informs me that her mom is coming..okay. i get my clothes and head over. so she looks for an outfit while i get dressed. she does my hair and her mom rushes her and then she informs me her mom's friends are also coming. and we also had a pit stop to make at ANOTHER bad b4 we go to seacrets b/c her mom wants to see our friend sing, which is cool for a LIL bit. i want someone to ride with, but i also want a DD in case i wanna drink ON MY b-day, but her mom has a full car and she doesn't quite like me so that is out of the options, so i end up driving and her mom is ..whatever anyway, we go to the bar and wait on her mom. takes forever. there are quite a few people who dislike me there and i feel all weird and do NOT want to be there. but we have to wait for her man and her mom and her moms friends. i just like wow i wanna leave, so i get outta there, by myself. i am just like this totally sucks. tiff and clare go to the bar. i think about it and try to get sarah to come and she "can't" b/c she has decided to hang out with 5 or so other people and commit to them on my birthday. again that confuses me, but whatever that seems to be sarah nowadays. ximena has bart and her mom and her mom's husband and her mom s friends to hang out with and she has to wait and hang out with them ON MY birthday. and tiff is with clare and they want to meet up with ximena and shannon called when we were getting dressed callng to say she was ALREADy at seacrets at like 900.

this week has been quite an adventure. i haven't felt so ignored in a while. i AM going to look at both sides of this experience though. i had posted two sets of invites. one on facebook and one on myspace. on thursday i,went to dinner with my grandparents to magnolias. i asked them if people were allowed to come over, in case anyone wanted to stop by and my dad would be in a bad mood. after some convincing, and telling she did not have to bake a cake, she said yes. i went to church after, and saw mish and nizzle. i told them they were welcome to come over, hoping they would the next day. the actual day of my b-day, no none actually said they were coming over, so i slept in. i woke up around 3 pm, and began asking people to come over HERE since no one really seemed interested in doing it themselves, like last year. no one seemed interested. so i went to my mom-mom's by myself to get my card. i go downstairs and don't get a gift. just a card from dad. i guess i am too old? so i call sarah, we always spend our b-day's together, no she was going to the bar with HER friends, nevermind. so i asked mom-mom if she was happy i brought no friends, less stress, she said no, since she had baked brownies, yeah right lol. well i called lins.. no answer. ximena was still at work. and dad had offered to take me out to dinner, but i was concerned i would be swamped with friends taking me out to dinner, like danielle and ximena had. but no. i could get not ONE friend to come with me. i called ashey, lou, jason, julian, katie, danielle, sarah, my b/f jamaal, shannon, ximena, darius, covington, mish, nizzle, jerry, cass, everyone. i was begging people to hang out with ME on MY birthday. it was pathetic...i got sick of sitting at home. dad said dinner at 5:30. but mom-mom told me she heard the fire whistle. uh oh.. i said oh well he will be there for my dinner. so i went to magnolia's with sarah and her friend erin who i met a couple times to wait until 5:30 while inviting people to come with me to dinner.

guess I should not be surprised that my beginning was his end. After all, we were just friends. Although in my world I was his girl. So in my mind I pretended to be his wife. Saying sh*t like, "there's only so many years in a woman's life"! Right, so I gave him three. Yet he had the audacity to step to me on this Donnell Jones "I don't know where I wanna be" type sh*t. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He hit me with the forehead kiss. He told me life was a journey and he was ready to explore his sh*t. And I was pissed, started pullin' out Tupac hits, telling me to keep my head up and R. Kelly picks about when a woman's fed up. Cause I was down with him for so long, that I didn't think I could get up. Till one day I got tired of sleeping on pillows my tears had wet up and realized that life goes on. And no he didn't choose me and that doesn't make him right nor wrong. And just because he was the epitome of my life that doesn't make me wrong nor right! Like I said I was his friend and not his wife and I should've acted within that capacity. And then this breakup would've been "just one of them things" and not a f**king tragedy! And all the time I spent mad at him, I should've been mad at me! After all I was the one that gave him the key to my house. Let him hang clothes in my closet just in case we go out. Washing all his dirty clothes to make a "full load"! And let him finish all the leftovers just so the food don't go old. For the times that we raw-dogged just cause he "lost all the rubbers"! And though I showed him more support than his father, brother, sister, and mother. And just 'cause those same people dial my number when they're trying to stay in touch. And he received mail at my address "cause he sleeps here so much"! Got total control of the remote control to the TV, DVD, and radio.
And even though his name is not on my lease got sh*t in my house that is off limits to me. Like his side of my bed and his stash of weed. And I better not touch his shoebox, Fruit Loops, mouthwash or toothbrush. He even had his own set of towels. But none of this obligates him to me because not once did we exchange vows. And If I knew then, what I know now, I probably would've listened. When he said it was some sh*t that he needed to get out his system. But I was too busy bitchin', jumpin' bad like I was gonna hit him. And in the back of my mind all I could fathom was how much I was gonna kiss him. And just because I'm cryin' don't mean I'm the victim! It's just that I was too scared to let him go 'cause some other chick might get him. And that was my fault, it was my decision. I should've never put my heart in my mind's position!
But I couldn't shake him-he was like a bad habit. And all this for a nigga that was just average, doing average nigga sh*t. Like talking out the side of his neck and thinking with his d*ck!
But, I must admit he's the one I wanted to commit to. Either I wasn't living up to my potential, or I was just the average chick. But I chose to believe that I was a woman caught up in a feeling.
Both physical and emotional, who was way too willing to give her all to a man. And though it may sound stupid I would do it all again. Just next time for my husband and not a nigga I call my friend!!

wow i got kicked outta iHop for moving tables because i wasnt getting served. how crazy. all these white male fucking cops and wanna-- be white male cops at homecoming are pissing me off forreal. at the step show, concert, party, and everywhere. someonen the QG told me that the KKK members took off their cone hats and put on cop hats. how true. they were messing with me at the step show. i was trying to get my friend and my "friend"'s parents in. the
"cops" were rushing me at the party. and this"guard" kicks me outta iHop for nothing. i was told at the step show to hand 3 comp tickets to 3 people that did not have them in line. i got into the step show earlier than they did. so i hand montesha and her cousin thier tickets like as planned. i go in and sit down with tymeerah b/c monty didn't have room for me. i told cov to call me when was AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE AT THE DOOR. so he calls as the show gets started and mish is on stage. so i can't hear anything. so i have to get up and butt in front of everyone who i sitting next to and leave. i walk out expecting him to be AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE AT THE DOOR. having no idea he is with the parents. i ask "where you at?" well not in line OR at the door. hah. so i go and wait for hm with duncan and chill with him and try to figure how to get all 3 tickets outside without having to walk outside or if i do how to get myself back in. i hear devin is here i get all excited, so i look for devin, and the duncan leaves, and the security or cops and fakes or whatever, ask what i am standing there for, and i say "waiting for my friends" and they say "oh well if they are not here, clear the lobby and go back into the gym"" so as soon as i get into the gym like 2 minutes, i get ANOTHER call so i have to butt in front of people again, and i am already mad, b/c i got kcked out , and i was talking to the Kappas and the guards were rude. so i think "finally they are here." he calls and now they are like walking or parking or something. so i go out there again, and they are STILL not there. the guards and cops see me and they start yelling "didn't we telll you to go back to the gym?" so cov is on the phone while i am assuming he is in the front of the line at the door and he's not AGAIN, while i am enduring all this crap from the cops/guards AGAIN. all this for some tickets. so i tell monty to go give her parents the tickets. and she refuses. then cov keeps calling again. he blows up my phone more and more. finally i go out there and the guards including shaunna i assume, are fed up with me, and i am fed up with cov callin me and not being there. they say enough "miss, you need to leave get outta here" i am like" how am i supposed to get these tickets to them backing up? throwing em?" huh?! what am i supposed to do ? they need to get in?!!!" i am whiling out and finally they have like 3 of them holding me back and they are 2 seconds from kicking me and escorting me out. so i bite my tongue and go back into the gym. i call mish i and i have to tell her i can't go out there anymore, cov literally called me too many times to come out and they kicked me out. monty would not take the tickets. now mish won't speak to me and cov either. b/c these KKK like mother *uckers. honestly. b/c they wanna hold me back. i lost 2 "chistian friends. possible 3 if you include shaunna. i can't say i am "christian if i act like that with cops and stuff. i had a simililar incident at ihop. i went to i hop ith jasmine and julian's brother. we got sat in a CLOSED section. we had no service for 40 minutes. so i asked the hostess if someone was coming. she said yeah. no one came, so i went over to talk to feeney, blake, and other people from dsu instead of sitting in a closed section with no order getting taken. i tell my friends to come over and sit with me. blake and jennifer's table was getting their order taken and their waiter almost took my order. so i figured i had a better chance over there than where i was at. i asked the hostess AGAIN. i used to work at a restuarant and i used to be a waitress, so i could tell she was off her shift. she was cleaning up where were originally sat. we were NOT gonna get served there. so why not move where all my DSU people where and NOT get served there in stead and talk and WAIT to get moved in there instead and have a better chance. i would rather get no service in there where i know poeple than get NO service n the other room where i didn't know anyone. but no this old white "guard" mother fucker wants to have a power trip and make me go back to my closed corner where i knew no one and go no service for 40 ....now 50 minutes...sitting there where i knew DAMN well the waitress passed us by 35 times and didn't take our order. the hostess said "okay we will move you to the other side of the rest in like 15 minutes" okay thats' cool, but why not let me wait where i want to not in some closed section where i know no one and she's cleaning around me??? fucking assholes. power trips. i was not loud, rude, OR anything that required me getting kicked out. i believe he was mad b/c i was with black people. what other reason could he have?? i have had this situation b4, and i have ALWAYS had my ass KISSED. hah, but when i am with black people i get shunned by a white man. fck you ass. if i was with white people i guarentee you i would've gotten served right away and gotten in 1st. 1st class service and never would any of that happened. i did nothing out of the ordinary. i was not getting service. so i asked to get moved. i got ignored. for what reason. never in my white life. but now i have a black one and this racist white man. hah but maybe not. maybe it was b/c i WAS rude. it was b/c i didn't sit there for ANOTHER hour. maybe it was b/c i was loud and i didn't listen to him when said "little girl, do as i say" go back to your seat i the closed section where you get no service, don't talk back, you are being beligerent" ya;ll saw it who was there. maybe i was loud and rude and rambunctious. i just HATE COPS or anyone like it. and them pushing me at the party. just stop it. ian you cool, but those white pigs at the end . haha hell no, i get in empty out my pockets, the black ladies, cool, black men, cool, emptying, all good, walking into the metal detector THAT night was okay, but the box is full of my stuff, i get through it this white man starts getting loud with me. "MOVE IT, KEEP IT MOVING! WALK! NOW" i have not even put my 1lip gloss 2 gum 3 keys 4 gloves 5 id 6 money 7jacket any of this on my body or in my jeans or in my pockets and he starts yelling at me. okay now that i write that i makes sense b/c i WAs mad b/c how slow the line was moving outside. but he was so mean and rude to me at the time. he just made me wanna even slower. and it just seemed to me he looked at me and yelled at me in MY face. i wanted to yell " i AM HURRYING PIG" but i again bit my tongue i was NOT gonna miss that party over some white man.
where do they think I am gonna put a weapon?? in my bra? hahhahhhaah anyway i have been so angry and stressed and i lost like 50 friends. emily looked like she wanted to fight me in the party, still have no idea why SHE"s mad?? anyway now i got it all out man

stop meeting them in seacrets..i don't know

even at DSU all the same...those men all have girls...yet they are still willing to cheat...go figure..

i attract some winners

i think i get a decent guy...no

they all end up with kids

or they sell drugs

or they don't go to school

no car

thank god i haven't gotten any "baby mama drama" phone calls yet

Now, now how come your talk turn cold
Gained the whole world for the price of your soul
Tryin' to grab hold of what you can't control
Now you're all floss, what a sight to behold
Wisdom is better than silver and gold
I was hopeless now I'm on Hope road
Every man want to act like he's exempt
When him need to get down on his knees and repent
Can't slick talk on the day of judgment
Your movement's similar to a serpent
Tried to play straight, how your whole style bent?
Consequence is no coincidence
Hypocrites always want to play innocent
Always want to take it to the full out extent
Always want to make it seem like good intent
Never want to face it when it's time for punishment
I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See you might win some but you just lost one



Now don't you understand man universal law
What you throw out comes back to you, star
Never underestimate those who you scar
Cause karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard
You can't hold God's people back that long
The chain of Shatan wasn't made that strong
Trying to pretend like your word is your bond
But until you do right, all you do will go wrong
Now some might mistake this for just a simple song
And some don't know what they have 'til it's gone
Now even when you're gone you can still be reborn
And, from the night can arrive the sweet dawn
Now, some might listen and some might shun
And some may think that they've reached perfection
If you look closely you'll see what you've become
Cause you might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you really lost one
You just lost one, it's so silly how come
When it's all done did you really gain from
What you done done, it so silly how come

"Don't Forget About Us"

[Intro:]
(Don't forget about us)
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
My baby boy...

[Verse 1]
Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

[Bridge 1]
Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

[Chorus]
Late nights, playin' in the dark
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

[Verse 2]
Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

[Bridge 2]
There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about

[Chorus]

[Rap]
And if she's got your head all messed up now
That's the trickery
She'll wanna have like you know how this lovin' used to be
I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC

Baby don't you, don't you forget about us

[Chorus x2]

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us.